Well, as clear as the name says, I really thought I have gone over you since you made me really angry with all the stupid and careless things you've done. But now I've realized that I can't really love you less.
It's been a four year quest all ready. I have been trying to find out what my true feelings for you truly is, for four years! Oh come on! Now, I really am still wondering, or am I? [hahahhaha] Well, anyway atleast I'm sure that I'm confused.
Well I really thought my last post for you was the last, last. But now, here I go again being all excited and inspired by this "lovely feeling" [hahahahaha ;P oh my gash!]
Darling dear, you know, I really am aware that I'm not pretty. You don't need to rub that on my face, just in case it ever gets into your head. Plus, I truly am not expecting anything from you at all. I don't even see us getting together, being in a relationship or even dating. THAT my dear is the very reason why I know that I'm not really sure whether I am just infatuated or already in love with you, which really adds up to the piles of confusion in my head and of course in my heart and hypothalamus. If ever, I mean if there would be this tiny, tiny chance of being in a relationship I would prefer a friend. Having a relationship with someone that you know for quite a period of time makes it a lot easier to give your trust to the person,to the relationship itself. Since giving trust to people is as hard as chewing rock for me, then I guess, if I would give my love and my trust to a friend then, perhaps, just maybe, I wouldn't be hurt.Thus, you my dear is very much overqualified. [hahahaha]
Anyway, why do I suddenly have this very "lovely feeling" right now?
Well my dearest darling, it is certainly because I feel that you care for me and that I am not just a silly classmate for you. So I guess right now we're really close, close friends, right? So I just have to climb a thousand notches up for you to fall for me! I don't know if the thing that "I would really do anything for you, as in anything", means that I'm already in love with you. Well, maybe,there's a great possibility. But the fact that I really don't care if you enter any relationship with someone else right now, well maybe I would be hurt a little but I would never go to the point that I would shed a tear just because you're in love with someone else, makes me wonder and wonder endlessly on what my true feeling for you is.
I'm the kind of person that wants perfection or nothing at all, so it's like you or no one at all. I would really like to test the tides but I am not at the point in my life where I can do that. So, yes, that's also the reason why I have been keeping all this heavy, heavy, secrets all to myself and to other people that have seen through me.
Yah, yah, I like you, so if things get uglier than my present situation right now [where everyone seems to tease us], I guess all this secrets will sooner or later be scattered on the floor [hahahaha]. But if that day would come, when you unexpectedly find out that I like you, I guess I have to act cool and just admit it. Now, many people are teasing us, and maybe you have no clue why, but darling dear, that's simply because I can't hide this annoying happiness whenever I hear your name, thus I can't help but to flash a smile at them [oh my, my].
It has been quite a number of times where you really overreacted when I'm on the sidewalk and a vehicle is coming. Though it may seem to you that I'm going to be run over by the vehicle, which I am quite confident am not, you always drag me away from the sidewalk. THAT'S SO SWEET! I try to act cool, but that really is so, so, so sweet. From your character, I know that you would really do that to any close friend but still, that's so sweeeeeeet and I really like to think that I am special and you just do that for me, you know what I mean? [hahahahahaha]. Another thing is that you never fail to notice me, well you do that to others too, so that's not really a big deal. Oh well, I wish you would be a lot less friendly so that I would know if I am special or just someone you care about. damn.
I wish tomorrow I can see your bright eyes smiling at me and because of me, and only for me. That tomorrow might come at a more distant future but as the commercial said, " Everything is fair in LOVE and WAR. Kahit gaano kalabo ang tyansa patuloy na mangarap. Anong malay mo isang araw may surpresang bumulaga sa'yo".
Kapag dumating na ang araw na kaya ko ng sabihin sa'yo na gusto kita, 'wag ka mag-alala dahil ibig sabihin nun handa na rin akong tanggapin na hindi, kailanman, magiging kasing espesyal ng pagtingin ko sa'yo ang turing mo sa'kin. Pero kahit na ganon, gusto ko pa ring umasa at maniwala. Gusto ko pa ring mahalin ka. At kahit na dumating pa na may mahalin ka ng iba habang hindi pa ako handang sabihin sayo na mahal na kita, magiging masaya pa rin ako para sa'yo. Hindi ko sigurado pero marahil mahal na nga kita, masyado lang akong takot na pumasok sa isang relasyon at mabigo kaya hindi ko masabi-sabi. Dahil kahit pa mahal mo rin ako, hindi ko maaring tanggapin ang pagmamahal na yon ngayon at hindi ko pa kayang mabigo ngayon. Sana masaya ka at ngumiti sa araw-araw. :*
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